...

[velouria]

Since I'm moving, I've decided to purchase a normal sized person bed and have it delivered to the new place. I'm tired of trying to sleep with internet boyfriends on a tiny twin. Someone's always putting their knee through a wall or falling onto the floor in the middle the night. So I'm going to put my fun sized one in the "Free" section on Craigslist, but I need help with the ad. This is what I've got thus far:

Twin mattress/box/and metal thing. Good shape. Slightly stained, but with Cherry Coke and Mountain Dew, honest. You remove and haul away from upstairs. Not an opportunity for rape, will shoot you.

Comments

[granting.livejournal.com]

Very bad idea.

It lets them know you're female.

[velouria.livejournal.com]

SIGH.

[velouria.livejournal.com]

but you and i met on craigslist, remember?

[granting.livejournal.com]

No we didn't.

[velouria.livejournal.com]

yes huh. nearly identical ad.

[granting.livejournal.com]

No, sorry. You're thinking of some other guy.

Especially since I don't use Craigslist. Never have.

I remember exactly how we met.

[velouria.livejournal.com]

well it certainly wasn't senseofhumor.com

[granting.livejournal.com]

oh. oops.

Sorry.

Melancholy has hit me as of late. Kills my sense of humor.

[jonn68.livejournal.com]

*spits orange juice*

Just leave it on the street and run like hell.

[velouria.livejournal.com]

what is it with you people's inability to keep orange juice in your face around me.

[jonn68.livejournal.com]

It's either my misspent childhood watching old sitcoms or because you're funny as hell.

[hatchelt.livejournal.com]

you say "not an opportunity", Craigslist sees "opportunity...?...profit"

[velouria.livejournal.com]

it IS an opportunity to gain a tiny bed, just not to assault a chick. unless you want to be tasered in the nuts.

[hatchelt.livejournal.com]

i'll bet your boobs there's someone on craiglist who wants to both rape AND get tasered in the nuts. the bed would be a byproduct.

[velouria.livejournal.com]

there is? obviously i've been looking in the wrong places for a soul mate all these years.

[botrinks.livejournal.com]

One mattress for sale - heavy use - smells like a girl - as seen on camcontacts.com. Also worn panties for sale.

Can ship to Japan.

[velouria.livejournal.com]

you sir, are a bad editor.

[botrinks.livejournal.com]

Braindamage.