It's only just a crush.

New Guy just cannot be bothered. I have to constantly stock red licorice at my desk to keep him coming, and that's astronomically expensive due to the middle-aged ladies who hover about and hoover it into oblivion the second I set it down.

I can only tell myself that dudes are "shy" or "gay" (he does teach yoga on the weekends) for so long until I have to face the shitty music. I will live my life as I will undoubtedly die: alone.