Who needs Richard Simmons.

I am on a strict diet of vodka and raisin bread. If I get hungry, I just drink more vodka. This does nothing to fill the void, but simply makes me velusional enough to forget that I am starving.

I exercise by forgetting my cell phone each and every day of my life prior to descending the stairs on my way to work. And I consider the times that I trip and fall down my stairs to be twice the workout.

I'm in the process of coming up with a name for this diet so that I can market it.