I'm a specialist in hope and I'm registered to vote.

My boss wants to promote me to Audio Specialist. I have no idea what that entails or what it pays. He asked if I had any questions and I just looked at him stupidly, which is what I'm most adept at. I wish someone would pay me to do that.

I have to prove that I have drive and initiative in order to get the title, which of course I don't. I guess I could pretend though. Audio Specialist sounds like something I'd like to refer to myself as. So I'm going to try to not act like such an incompetent (yet knowledgeable) lazyass in front of him, or anyone for that matter.

However, to celebrate, I drank my weight in 100 proof mint flavored shots (the scent of my toothpaste now makes me nauseous) called my work and professed my love for one of my coworkers for about twenty minutes. This was recorded on an Ipod and is now played nightly over the store stereo. ("I'm only outdrunk when I'm going!). Apparently, the gentleman who took the call is now working on making a song out of it so it can be played during regular store hours for the customers.

This may hinder my growth within the company.