All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me.

Today a lady asked me to help her find a Tool album. I obliged, because it beats the usual "help me find whoever does that dontchawishyourgirlfriendwasHOTlikeme song." (Answer: kill yourself).

But she got irritated when she couldn't find the one with the "barbwire on the cover" which has the song about "feeling it in my veins." I told her I knew my Tool like the back of my hand (hurr) and had never seen and or heard such a thing in my entire Tool-loving career. Are you sure it's Tool?

"Of course I'm sure. Is there anyone else who can help me?"

Dr. Kervorkian?

Upon coming home, I used what horrible information she gave me to research it to find that she'd been speaking of Suicidal Tendencies. How she got Tool out of Suicidal Tendencies is beyond me, other than drawing from the fact that she herself is a ginormous tool.

Another lady asked me who did Dust in the Wind. I told her Kansas, and she hugged me.

I've now peeled the NO TOUCHIE sign off the thermostat and plastered it on my badge.