velouria: (Default)
velouria ([personal profile] velouria) wrote2009-01-18 09:45 am

The Dead are Alive and They're Just Not That Into You.

Well we moved at work. Again. And now I'm navigating 3 different freeways with 3 million different douchebags and the sun in my face both ways. To make matters worse, I'm going from the ghetto (where I live) into the burbs (where I now work) and back. Who the hell does that? I live in the ghetto so that I can drive 3 miles within 5 minutes to get to my place of business.

I need to move anyway. I came home the other night and found my bedroom door closed. I never do that. Never ever, never never never. So I clutched my keychain mace and knocked on it. "Hello?" I called, to no response. I slowly cracked it open to find Von Fluffy munching on sunflower seeds and looking mildly terrified. If only she could speak of the horrors that she witnessed. I may contact a hamster whisperer.

I figure it's the dead, the undead, or the maintenance man digging through my underwear drawer. I actually gave him permission to enter a couple weeks ago so that he could fix my garbage disposal while I was at work. That night, I found a note beside a busted up pile of shot glass that read, "Shot glasses r not disposable. U will be charged 75 bucks if u do it again. Thnx."

It must have been that moment that he fell in love with me and would later return to enter my apartment and dick around in my bedroom.

[identity profile] granting.livejournal.com 2009-01-18 10:42 pm (UTC)(link)
He was doing *something* with his dick in your bedroom.

But I wouldn't say it was dicking around...

[identity profile] botrinks.livejournal.com 2009-01-18 11:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Go Leon on the maintenace man...



... I wish i had the sun in my eyes both ways from work - i live in england - mushrooms see more light than me right now.

[identity profile] velouria.livejournal.com 2009-01-18 11:25 pm (UTC)(link)
hyuck hyuck.

[identity profile] velouria.livejournal.com 2009-01-18 11:30 pm (UTC)(link)
i think leon is my maintenance man.

sorry about your sun situation. you can borrow some of mine.

[identity profile] granting.livejournal.com 2009-01-19 12:24 am (UTC)(link)
<3

[identity profile] jonn68.livejournal.com 2009-01-19 12:27 am (UTC)(link)
Did he actually write in LOL/textspeak like that?

[identity profile] velouria.livejournal.com 2009-01-19 01:54 am (UTC)(link)
can you get me into obamarama?

[identity profile] velouria.livejournal.com 2009-01-19 01:55 am (UTC)(link)
yes. he didn't say LOL though, for some reason. i find it hilarious.

[identity profile] granting.livejournal.com 2009-01-19 02:21 am (UTC)(link)
do you have anything specific in mind?

[identity profile] velouria.livejournal.com 2009-01-19 05:29 am (UTC)(link)
i just meant the inauguration. but if you want to make me secretary of something, that's cool too.

[identity profile] daddylovebucket.livejournal.com 2009-01-19 06:26 am (UTC)(link)
He wears your underwear and does camshows from your bed.

[identity profile] velouria.livejournal.com 2009-01-19 04:53 pm (UTC)(link)
i doubt anyone would notice the difference.

[identity profile] stephanieseon.livejournal.com 2009-02-25 03:19 am (UTC)(link)
You make me laugh out loud, literally. People probably think I'm retarded when I'm reading your entries.

[identity profile] velouria.livejournal.com 2009-02-25 04:05 am (UTC)(link)
why, are you in the public library or something?