Invisible Touch.

The psychic came in the door and said she hoped to help me with the enormous emotional pain and suffering I suffer before I even had a chance to complain about any pain and suffering I suffer. She says I'm "this close" to escaping the labyrinth of walls and thorns I've created to protect myself and that I'll have success at creativity and be able to travel and be free. She says I've lived past lives of religious persecution, and thus the lingering love of self-punishment. In my last life, I was a monk, where I learned my knack for solitude, but surely not a tendency to wear orange smocks. Ew.

I'm a huge empath, meaning I feel your pain and suffering too. So knock it off. She says my male spirit guide is all up in my space and super overprotective of me, which I find endearing and yet puzzling, because there's nothing I do that requires protecting besides the occasional bout of really bad driving. I guess that's a big job in and of itself.

She even says she sees a "baby bean" around my ovaries that I may choose to have someday. O rly, baby bean.