Attention Douchelord.

Attention lady who falls all over herself to rush through the door and into her cubicle to blare at least 14 Michael McDonald songs inside 8 hours every day: You are a douchelord. Not only that, but I'm pretty sure you're breaking several county ordinances by nuking some sort of aquatic life of epic proportions in the microwave each lunch hour and leaving me to take the fallout for it due to my visibility.

Just to reiterate: Douche. Lord.