Update.

Watching Intervention and shoving popcorn in my face with pink vodka in hand this evening in the fuzzy skully pajamas my not-so-secret Santa got me at the work potluck (She'd glared me down as I opened them and hissed, "You're welcome" in front of everybody. Douche) when my phone started vibrating. I reached over to read the text:

"Colleen, I didn't want to say this at the office, but you looked so hot today. Especially the shoes. I can't stop thinking about your feet."

...

Mention my feet one more time, buddy, onnne more time.