Sometimes, you're better off dead.

I asked a lady buying three gift cards who had put 20, 20, and 15 dollars on them if she loved one of her kids less. There was an extreme awkward silence followed by a lack of answer.

Damn, I was just kidding. Sort of. I didn't realize that she actually did love one of her kids less.

I think I ran over a small child on the way home today. I'm not sure. It was raining and I could see nothing but vapor and blind spots for miles. I did some rapid hydroplaning around in the intersection for a few minutes before continuing on. It was like being in the teacups at Disneyland minus the teacups and plus a 5000 pound steel death trap and some praying for my life.